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Yet they "aren’t in any way guaranteed to work better for couples than any other toys," she explains. Don’t apologize or shy away from your own desires either, as that’s a good way to build up anxiety and stress on one or both sides of the conversation. "Most of us want our partners to have pleasure during sex, and will be willing to seek higher forms of pleasure together," Leigh notes.
Vibrators come in various shapes and sizes — some lifelike. Many models feature adjustable speeds of vibration, a crucial feature for skin that may have become supersensitive over the years. This should be a given, but if you’re going to use a sex toy with Karen that you just used with Mary, you need to wash it ahead of time. "Most strokers are made out of a porous rubber material because it’s very, very soft, and most people wouldn’t want to stroke their penis with something that feels like a brick," says Carly S.
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In cases of anorgasmia or low libido, a tried-and-true toy such as the Magic Wand may be preferable. As part of my research for this guide, I consulted sex educators and owners of sex-toy shops. I’ve also consulted all manner of sex-toy users, from first-timers to people who use vibrators daily, including cis and trans people across gender identities and sexualities.
If you use latex condoms, use a silicone or water-based lube like Sliquid Sassy or Uberlube — oil-based lubes degrade the integrity of the condom and create microscopic holes. Whether you’re using it alone or with a partner, throw a new condom on that bad boy every time it’s about to touch a new person — specifically a latex, polyurethane, or polyisoprene condom. For example, if you have vaginal gonorrhea, use a toy vaginally, and then immediately use it to stimulate your anus, it’s possible to give yourself anal gonorrhea. "You can also get a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, or urinary tract infection from a sex toy," says Stubbs.
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